You're earring is so big in my mouth
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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