you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
