you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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