I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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