he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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