I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
