So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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