I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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