Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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