whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
