on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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