No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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