toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
