even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
