why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
