My nipple is on Facebook.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
