Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
