i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
