What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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