he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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