How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
