I accidentally burped into my bong.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
