you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
