I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
