An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
