i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
