YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
