Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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