My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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