is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
