can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
