Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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