This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
