Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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