dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
