so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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