I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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