well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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