atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
