You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
