we're blogging at a bar
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i came on her dog
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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