Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
