I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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