are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
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