Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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