You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
