i jhust puked up my retainher.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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