he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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