We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
