but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
