Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
