my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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