you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
