i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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