what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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