Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
