oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
