I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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