Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(323): View more from California

I totes stole your whore crown.

(239): View more from Florida

With great power comes great responsibility.

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(323): I totes stole your whore crown. (239): With great power comes great responsibility. http://tfl.nu/gvmp

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(315): View more from New York

she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.

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(315): she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game. http://tfl.nu/gk92

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.

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(715): I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win. http://tfl.nu/jyaa

Replies (64) Good night (17068) Bad night (1408) Order T-Shirt
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(417): View more from Missouri

My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.

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(417): My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah. http://tfl.nu/uiae

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(614): View more from Ohio

Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is

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(614): Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is http://tfl.nu/l5nn

Replies (20) Good night (6847) Bad night (1567) Order T-Shirt
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(425): View more from Washington

No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,

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(425): No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America, http://tfl.nu/18wd

Replies (10) Good night (3861) Bad night (1060)
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(361): View more from Texas

Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.

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(361): Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin. http://tfl.nu/3skp

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.

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(570): I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands. http://tfl.nu/xt87

Replies (5) Good night (579) Bad night (1575) Order T-Shirt
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(503): View more from Oregon

Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...

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(503): Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night... http://tfl.nu/z9ky

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(734): View more from Michigan

I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.

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(734): I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons. http://tfl.nu/bvxd

Replies (11) Good night (1072) Bad night (381) Order T-Shirt
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(817): View more from Texas

Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.

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(817): Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/5d6q

Replies (2) Good night (1157) Bad night (369) Order T-Shirt
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(419): View more from Ohio

Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?

(1-419): View more from Ohio

Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.

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(419): Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate? (1-419): Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly. http://tfl.nu/ok5v

Replies (20) Good night (3100) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
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(406): View more from Montana

Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.

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(406): Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me. http://tfl.nu/igpq

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(330): View more from Ohio

He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits

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(330): He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits http://tfl.nu/kxc9

Replies (11) Good night (1485) Bad night (392) Order T-Shirt
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(289): View more from Ontario

Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.

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(289): Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes. http://tfl.nu/y1u0

Replies (8) Good night (258) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt

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