i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
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just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
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He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.