Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She even gives head with a lisp.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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