I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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