So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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