Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You made out with two different species that night
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
