That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
