Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just want to make out with him forever
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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