dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
