I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
