Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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