This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
