I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
