toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
