She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
