Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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