someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
