i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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