I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
