I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
