I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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