having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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