we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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