so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
