What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
